tothebeatofmydreams is now anchorthestars

I think I am going to cry. I just feel useless and awful and my self esteem is through the floor and my anxiety is through the roof and I kind of zoned out earlier and lost like half an hour so I decided to go to bed but then my mom came home and I stopped to say hi and ask how work was and I zoned again and she got all snippy with me cause I zoned in her direction and she thought I was staring and I apologized and told her I’m tired and stressed and she told me to go to bed in an annoyed tone of voice and I think she was trying to be funny but I kind of just deadpanned “fine, I will” and turned around and then she got all butthurt over it and wouldn’t look at me and would barely respond when I tried to make up for it. I finally gave up and came upstairs.

I just wanted a hug and an I love you or an it’ll be okay or something. Physical human contact. Instead I get ridicule and alienation and I am going to cry because fuck everything.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

Motherfucking goddamn son of a bitch.

My first bus pulled up as my second bus was leaving and he stopped, and then I was two feet from the door and HE FUCKING PULLED AWAY.
I know he saw me, he looked right at me.
It’s cold enough out, and the wind is making it about 10 degrees colder and it’s blowing so hard it almost knocked me over.

It’s half an hour til the next bus, and I just want to go home because I have 5 million things I have to get done and I can’t do any of them standing here in the wind trying to keep warm.
I might cry. Or scream. Or break something.

Mostly cry.

Whoops, I got a tattoo~

Except not whoops cause that implies mistakes and this was a marvelous decision.

I’ll post a pic tomorrow after school when my skin is less red :)